The Saga of the Stretch Pants: A Tragic Tale

Stretch Pants Ruined My Life

Remember when you lived in jeans? How they fit perfectly right out of the dryer and then got looser and looser until you had to wash them so they'd fit right again? Those tight, warm from the dryer jeans kept me honest. I knew when I was gaining weight if my jeans wouldn't zip. 

Then, somewhere in the beginning of the 80's I heard about a new store called Express. Forget the Express you know now, a combo of boho and urban chic clothing for secretaries (oops, personal assistants) and other entry level gals of the late 2000's. This Express was the first place I found in Atlanta where I could buy rubber bracelets, brightly colored knit clothing, and unfortunately, stretch pants.

It was pure bliss, how these stretchy pants just kept giving and giving. All  of a sudden, I could stay in pants long after I'd passed the size on the tag inside the waistband. It seemed so wonderful at first, being able to fit into clothes pretty much forever, even if you gain weight, And after I got those first stretch pants at Express (coincidentally the last time I was really thin) I gained weight a bit at a time until I reached... well, now. 

Dressing By Default

So what do you do when all your clothes are stretchy? You get big. I really don't recommend stretch clothes any more. I think they ruin you. Right now, my daughter, who is 7 and rail thin, is wearing a little getup she fashioned for herself from her closet that features a pair of stretch pants. I really should take those away from her before they make her fat. 

The worst thing about being overweight in a way that makes you lumpy or out of proportion in various areas of your body is that you have to wear stretch clothes, and actually, you pretty much have to wear what fits you and what covers you. Even at Lane Bryant and other "big girl" stores, the clothing tries to ape what is in the normal size shops. I understand why, but it is depressing. Why put sleeveless dresses on fat arms? Or sell short skirts that strain to cover chubby thighs? I believe there's nothing sadder than a large person decked out in clothing that is styled for a reed thin model. 

So I wear clothes that cover me. And its not very exciting. I pretty much buy what fits and what covers. So I'm looking forward to wearing smaller clothing once I lose weight. I'll tell you one thing, though, I'm not wearing stretch pants. Those things'll make you fat. View blog reactions